This article first appeared in Capital, The Edge Malaysia Weekly on July 1, 2024 - July 7, 2024

If you are looking for a nice cathartic chest sob, the new Thai film that’s reducing people to tears might just be the thing. Many who have watched How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies have taken to TikTok to share their personal transformations before and after the film. A swollen face, bright red nose and puffy eyes are dead giveaways that this movie is guaranteed to bring on the waterworks.

The bittersweet tale of a boy and his relationship with his ailing grandmother especially hits home for young moviegoers living with an elderly relative, which also helped propel it to become the highest-grossing film across Southeast Asia.

My teenage daughter came home the other day after watching the film with her friends and said, “You should definitely watch it, it’s so real. There were moments in the film that actually happened in real life with me and Ah Mah (referring to her maternal grandmother).”

“Yes, auntie. It reminded me of my own late grandma,” her friend said, openly admitting that she bawled her eyes out just 15 minutes into the movie.

I said, “Absolutely not.”

As it is, I am already living parts of the movie. With all three of my siblings living abroad, I’ve found myself becoming the designated primary caregiver for our elderly mother and a tearjerker movie that guilt-trips me more is not what I am looking for.

My husband has his own reasons for sitting it out. “I’d rather pay to watch a movie that will have me crying with laughter and make me momentarily forget all the stress being shouldered by the sandwich generation that I belong to.”

You can tell he has not missed a single Stephen Chow film.

One thing about the aforementioned Thai movie is that it puts filial piety into focus again. As I grow older, I’ve been reminded many times by single friends how lucky I am to have kids so that they will look after me in my old age.

I don’t blame them for thinking that way. Growing up, how many times did we hear the old folk telling us the same thing? For me, this notion is deeply flawed. Let me explain. For me, having kids isn’t a ticket out of living in a retirement home. The thing is, I don’t want my children to feel they must care for me when I’m old. If my daughters look after me in my dotage, I want it to be because they want to and not out of obligation.

After all, we expect our children to embrace learning and progress in their thinking as they grow older. They deserve to expect the same from us. Unlike the days of our parents’ and grandparents’ generations, the younger generation now faces more financial pressures that might make it impossible for many to give up jobs to care full-time for their parents, no matter how much they want to.

Consider the facts: By 2030, 15.3% of the Malaysian population will be 60 or older, according to the Department of Statistics. The Institute of Strategic & International Studies Malaysia attributes this fast pace of an ageing population to longer life expectancy and rapid decline in total fertility rate. The math tells us that demand for senior-living facilities will outpace supply for many years to come, amid a rapidly greying population.

Thus, just as the decision to get married or to have or not have children is one everyone should make for themselves, so is deciding how to spend our so-called golden years.

Already battered by rising prices of essentials, the cost of living in a care home is adding to the woes of the man in the street, given that elderly care is resource-intensive in nature. The price to hire a private home care nurse is now at around RM4,500 per month. As for private nursing homes, fees cost RM2,300 per month at minimum. For premium assisted living facilities with around-the-clock nursing care supervision, you should expect to pay at least RM8,000 per month.

It’s been said that sometimes you need to just let loose and have a good cry. What better way than to watch a sad movie? If, like me, you’ve opted out of one, don’t fret — you might have heard there’s another film about emotions at the cinema, Inside Out 2, that is also making a therapeutic impact.

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