This article first appeared in The Edge Malaysia Weekly on September 25, 2023 - October 1, 2023
Civil servant Encik Labu and Captain Labi meet up for breakfast at a mamak restaurant. Their conversation centres around grub, lavatories and broomsticks.
Labu: I feel like having roti canai this morning. I haven’t had one in ages. The reason I feel like having one is that it was recently ranked the best bread in the world.
Labi: I must say I felt proud that roti canai made it to the top of the list by the international food travel guide TasteAtlas. We beat India, which is known for its variety of naan breads; Italy, which has its focaccia and ciabatta; and France, which has its baguette. I, too, shall have roti canai this morning.
Labu: Speaking of which, have you heard about the upcoming TOTYA ’23?
Labi: I can’t say I have. What is it?
Labu: I suppose you could say it is the ‘Oscars’ for clean toilets. The acronym TOTYA stands for Toilet of the Year Award. It’s not a joke. The award is being organised by the Ministry of Local Government Development (KPKT) to recognise clean toilets operated by private firms. There is a total of six categories, which are hotels, shopping complexes, air-conditioned restaurants, non-air-conditioned restaurants, petrol stations, and rest-and-recreation stops.
Labi: I recently read that KPKT Minister Nga Kor Ming has proposed a RM300 million allocation under the national public utility reform agenda. His plan is to build ‘bersih’ (clean), ‘menawan’ (attractive) and ‘wangi’ (pleasant smelling) toilets nationwide, or BMW-grade toilets.
Labu: It does seem like a noble idea. The minister is aware that the public could end up calling him the ‘toilet minister’ but he says he doesn’t care, as he feels it is important to solve an issue that is close to the hearts of the people. He stressed that clean toilets, especially in the main tourist spots or gateways to our country, could affect tourists’ first impression of Malaysia.
He cautioned that, from next year, food-and-beverage operators in the city may not be able to get their business licences renewed if they fail to obtain the ‘A level’ certificate of hygiene for their toilets.
Labi: When is the award ceremony? I’d like to see who wins.
Labu: Submission for the awards ended on Aug 31. I suppose it will be soon.
Labi: I wonder whether the top three winners will be presented with a trophy shaped like a toilet bowl in gold, silver and bronze. Do you recall, in the mid-2000s, when the then Selangor Menteri Besar Datuk Seri Dr Mohamad Khir Toyo said he would present a broom to state departments that failed to perform. Of course, the head of departments did not believe he would do so, but he did!
Labu: If I am not mistaken, the Hulu Selangor District Council officer was handed a broom because the council’s assessment collection rate had been below 40%. On a positive note, he managed to turn the council’s collection rate around in two years and was later given a proper award. The incident apparently motivated him to achieve greater heights, as he was appointed the Kuala Lumpur Mayor in 2018.
Labi: Perhaps there should be a category of worst toilets, to encourage others to spruce up their toilets.
Labu: Toilet awards and broom trophies don’t sound too bad. I just googled and found that there was an award for the oddest book title of the year. Winners include Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop and Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes. And then there is the Bent Spoon Award for ‘perpetrator of the most preposterous piece of paranormal or pseudoscientific piffle’. One winner was a self-proclaimed psychic dentist who said he could make cavities disappear and turn amalgam filling into gold by praying.
Labi: Ah, yes. I have read about the Foot in Mouth Award for people who make the most baffling comment. And former US president George W Bush apparently won a lifetime achievement award for this in 2008. Surely, Donald Trump must have won one too, right? There are also the Bunshun Kiichigo Awards for the worst Japanese and foreign films; and the Turnip Prize for deliberately bad modern art.
Labu: It’s so bizarre. I think there should be an award for the weirdest award.
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