This article first appeared in Digital Edge, The Edge Malaysia Weekly on May 17, 2021 - May 23, 2021

If you are confused by all the social media options available, you are not alone. But fear not. There is a social media platform for every personality type, however strange and quirky. (After all, most of these platforms were invented by strange and quirky types.)

What’s your type? The Digital Edge team will lead you through the various offerings. In this “mass market for one” world, there is definitely something for you.

• TYPE A

You like to keep up with the times and read the news as soon as it breaks. But there is also a part of you that just doesn’t want to grow up. Twitter threads and conversations tend to feed this side of you with memes and GIFs. If you are more introverted, a private account with little to no followers is more your style, because all you want is a safe place to tweet your innermost thoughts. Just make sure you use the right account! 

• TYPE B

You are ready for a fight (“Put up your dukes and let’s get down to it…”). You like reading succinct take-downs of current events or public figures, even if it gets ugly and aggressive. You don’t mind getting lost in the black hole of Twitter threads, reading witty comments and sometimes heartwarming exchanges. But think before you respond. You do not want to offend the Twitterverse.

You are old school and prefer simplicity. That’s why Facebook’s interface and balance between photos and words appeal to you. You have friends on the platform from a decade ago, whom you can’t remember where you met but are still curious (or bored) enough to keep up with their lives.

You have family members who stalk you online, which is why you only post decent photos and express PG13 opinions on this platform. You want to stalk them too, so you can keep up with their lives(without having to resort to your mom’s “Here are the headlines” phone calls) and have conversation starters for the next family dinner. 

You are a planner. Whether it is planning your wedding or your next haircut, you tend to create a gallery (or a scrapbook in pre-internet days) of different hair styles, outfit ideas, home decoration styles and even typography to consider for your wedding invitation. 

Or you just like to look at pretty things. That works too. 

• TYPE A

You hate Facebook. You think it is stealing your data and watching your every move. Also, all your family members are there and you want to post things secure in the knowledge that they won’t see these postings (which means you probably don’t activate the share on other social media buttons). 

You prefer Instagram for its pretty pictures and covertly stalk Nam Joo-hyuk and Matthew Goode. #nojudgment Also, you probably know what #gochuchang #allhailmaangchi and yuzu are, thanks to doom scrolling through Bon Appetit and NYT Cooking’s feed. 

P.S. Yes, we know Facebook owns Instagram. #wecanthaveitall

• TYPE B

Sometimes you are poised and thoughtful, other times you are just vain and have the attention span of a goldfish. You’re also a low-key hipster who likes to share the unique things you do and places you visit, from trendy Insta cafés like Lisette’s to hiking to the top of Broga hill. But there are the occasional “Feeling cute, might delete later” selfies or #OOTD shots that you know you won’t delete. 

• TYPE C

You’re too lazy to post on social media, but still want to check out how your friends are doing. The number of people you follow dwarfs your follower count, but you don’t mind. Sometimes, you want to check out what your favourite brands are doing. But you’re also cautious of recruiters and scammers, especially your attend-my-course-and-become-millionaire Steve!

• TYPE A

You are a trendsetter, or you think you are because you have the latest iPhone and iOS. If you received multiple invitations, you are the social butterfly of your group. But if you are the one who sends the invitations, you are the type of friend who decides where to go and what to do. And the power feels good.

• TYPE B

You are a real opinion leader. Or at least you aspire to be. You yearn to get your voice heard and seize every opportunity that comes your way. Success is your vibe and you will not let anything stop you from achieving what you want. Most likely, you were already a fan of podcasts before Clubhouse arrived on the scene. 

• TYPE C

You are a lurker. You like listening to what people have to say about a topic, just so you can bring it up in future conversations. But let’s be real. You are really on the platform to indulge in conversations about the welfare of house elves in Harry Potter’s wizarding world because no one in your circle will entertain you when you go off into yet another riff on this absorbing subject.

And the feeling of meeting people who will not only listen but engage with you on these topics of utmost importance and relevance, especially in this time of pandemic? Priceless!

You pretend you are smarter than everyone else. But deep down, you know you are not. So, you flood subreddits with big-brain meme content and topics that you are familiar with. When the opportunity comes to finally post a comment on a subject you specialise in, someone else more qualified has already posted the top comment and explained it better than you could have. So, you sulk, you lurk … and ... oh! A dogecoin meme! Upvote!

• TYPE A

You are a little all over the place. From feeling like a nerd one second to an intellectual the next, you are probably someone who doesn’t just feel one thing at a time and you enjoy little pockets of useless trivia. On top of that, you probably have 50 trains of thoughts at the same time that you can’t seem to silence. Which is why TikTok is probably your most regular after-work social media of choice to wind down because feeding your brain’s curiosity is a form of winding down. From information on science to watching the choreography of 1990s pop hits, or from meaningful life journey stories to pointless, yet tastefully executed pranks, or from learning the weather conditions in the north and south poles to secret Starbucks recipes, TikTok has all the content to feed your cluttered mind. And if all else fails, there’s always Ritalin for your ADHD, er … slightly distracted frame of mind.

• TYPE B

You are able to get inspired, angry, annoyed and intrigued all in the span of five minutes. And you don’t mind the scroll addiction. As soon as you gave your soul to the great artificial intelligence algorithm overlords, you got hooked on its mind-numbing content for months. For every 10 swipes, there will always be a gem of a TikTok meme that keeps you swiping longer. And it never ends. Oh, is it past my bedtime already?

You are a closet nerd. You have important things to say, but you are scared your Facebook and Instagram friends will find you too serious. You can’t fit all those thoughts into Twitter (nuance takes more than 280 characters). You want to find like-minded people in a professional setting to share serious articles. It doesn’t hurt if they notice your intelligence, erudition and pure street smarts, and offer you a job. 

#hustle #synergy

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